The Sarcastic Mother

Shouting to be heard, swearing to be clever

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  • Blog

    Leyton – part 2

    By Suzi / November 30, 2020

    To be fair, it wasn’t the whole class or even half the class. In fact, in reality, it was just one boy, one boy who went by the name of Leyton Baxter. If there ever was a…

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  • Blog

    Leyton

    By Suzi / November 29, 2020

    When a teaching agency calls with work, they usually tell you the bare minimum about a position.  Just like with the CIA, information is shared on a need-to-know basis, but that’s where the similarity ends. There is no…

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  • Blog

    Alfred – The End

    By Suzi / November 21, 2020

    George and Gladys – I miss you so much. Brighton has just not been the same since you relocated. Shanie (The Border Collie) I hope you are having fun with Kimble in dog heaven xxxx Her grandfather…

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  • Blog

    Alfred Part 2

    By Suzi / November 19, 2020

    “Migrants take all new jobs in Britain reads the Rants headline followed by a story about how impossible it is to get a job in the UK if you are British. As well as this story there…

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  • Blog

    Racist Grandparents

    By Suzi / November 15, 2020

    Chug chug chug the Mother’s train pulls into Brighton Station, The sun is shining, and the children are back at school. It’s a perfect day to hit the beach. But, the Mother is not going anywhere near…

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  • Blog

    Lady Business Part 2

    By Suzi / November 10, 2020

    There was a pause, a moment of uncertainty, a chance to save himself, but then a defiant, “Yeah, Mum, I do.” Taking a deep breath, the Mother replied,  “Do you want the short explanation or the long…

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  • Blog

    Lady Business! Part 1

    By Suzi / November 9, 2020

    Has your son ever asked you about periods?”  asked the Mother’s friend Larissa one day, completely out of the blue. “Oh, God, yeah, he’s asked me about 100 times, ‘Mum, what are those cotton wool things in…

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  • Blog

    Hair – part 3

    By Suzi / November 8, 2020

    The hair salon itself is less ominous than the sinister rooms below, and once upstairs, she begins to relax again. Soon, she is plonked down in a comfy black chair, eagerly waiting for a hair wash. A…

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  • Blog

    Hair – part 2

    By Suzi / November 3, 2020

    This subterranean bunker always reminds the Mother of one thing and one thing alone – a backstreet abortionist. She isn’t sure if it’s the smell, the hideous cyclamen pink walls or the sterile metal bed. But all…

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  • Blog

    Hair

    By Suzi / November 2, 2020

    It is Saturday morning, and the kids have been packed off to their grandparents for the weekend. The house is silent, peaceful and, best of all, tidy. The Mother is feeling especially jubilant today, not just because…

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