Sorry folks this post has been published a little later that expected, but as it turns out, that’s quite fitting.
Well, it’s almost the end of January, and Christmas is well and truly over. The tree is down, the tin of Quality Street is empty and Christ you’ve even been to the gym. But there’s one thing that still hasn’t been done. This thing eats at you, it keeps you awake at night. You can’t even look at your children without thinking about it, and it’s no good going to the pub because it follows you there too!
Yes, almost six weeks have passed since that faithful day when the sky literally rained toys. But your children still haven’t written their thank you letters, and there are eight of the buggers to write. Drastic action is called for. The internet is turned off, the envelopes are out, and all mobiles are locked in a dynamite proof, combination safe. Perhaps finally we’ll some action.
And they’re off! Both children have miraculously found a pen and some paper, resources that previously alluded them, they look set to make a strong start. But oh no, what’s this, neither child can remember how to start a letter and now are both getting fractious. Jesus Christ, how many times does she have to explain this.
After a little prompting and a bit of moaning, they are moving forward once again. Esme goes straight into the lead as Aaron has forgotten to write his address, that mistake is going to cost him. Ah, but what’s this, Esme speed has impacted on her performance. She has written Dear Uncle Glen but neglected to mention Aunty Wendy, and is now very agitated. Meanwhile, Aaron quickly writes his address, some pleasantries, and catapults himself straight into the lead.
He follows with,
“Thank you very much for the gift voucher. It was very generous and thoughtful of you.” What a great comeback, he looks set to finish in record time. But what’s this Esme has got over her earlier upset and has also said thank you, she’s back in the game. There’s no stopping them now, the ink is flowing seamlessly. They are neck and neck when oh disaster strikes they’ve both hit a hurdle. These youngsters have thanked their aunty and unclse, but now have no idea what to write next. Is this just a minor set back or are they both out of the running?
“Esme why don’t you tell them what you bought with your voucher? You know the Star Wars electric toothbrush and the poster.
Suggests her trainer.
Yeah, then you could say how you pestered your Mother every day for two weeks with have they come yet? Have they come yet? Have they come yet?
“But what should I say?”
“Esme, I’ve literally just told you what to write!”
“What should I write?”
“Oh come Aaron, for you’re much older than her, you should be able to do this on your own by now!”
“I don’t know, just tell me what I meant to write?”
“Aaron, just I don’t know, make something up, I don’t care! just don’t tell them you’ve lost the bloody voucher, say anything but that
Both children have managed a few more lines, but they are not on the home straight yet. Come on, you can do it, or can they?
“Mum, will that do? Is that enough?”
“No, Aaron, it’s not enough that’s half a page. They gave yoju a fifty quid voucher. The least you can do is write a proper thank you letter.
“Bur what should I write?”
“Something! Anything, write about school, your hobbies, your hopes, and fears. Write about Game of Thrones or about that drunken lunatic who lives down the road and keeps shouting at people in Gaelic. I don’t care; just fill up that bloody page.”
Meanwhile, Esme has gained ground and is now the front runner. She’s finished her letter and has ended it with love from Esme plus several kisses, a lovely finish,
And Aaron is hot on her heels
“Do I end it with, Yours sincerely?”
“No, Aaron, Christ, you’re writing a thank you letter, not asking them for a job!” But just a few seconds later, he’s done it. He went with yours faithfully a novice mistake, but he’s finished, this one’s in the bag, or rather in the envelope.
Of course, it’s not all over, these two youngsters still face two more challenges to face, but there is certainly hope for them. With God’s speed and plenty of Typex, we’re sure they’ll have every success.